Trip to Tahoe

We have a lot of family that live in Reno, Nevada and this day we were going to Tahoe to meet some of our family to have a fun lunch date and I took this picture from my cell phone camera of Mandy in the back seat with her star bucks cup in her hand. She loved visiting with family and so she was really happy on this day. It is hard to tell but if you look you can see that her hair is short and off balance that's because she had brain surgery and had been going through chemo and radiation therapy at this time but look at that smile........She was my hero. You could not help but be in a good mood around her. She had been diagnosed with a GBM in the speech center of her brain which is the area that is like the hard drive of the body and tells you when to breath, move, talk, blink and so on. It was a difficult area to do surgery in but we had a awesome neurosurgeon.

Here is me after my baby girl passed. This was the first time going back to Reno without her. I am a walking zombie here and was very lost. After I took this picture I broke down wishing that she was behind me again with her starbucks 

Visiting Santa Claus

I think that this picture was taken at the Park Lane mall (which not longer stands) when they were five and three. I have a few pictures of Mandy and her brother visiting Santa Claus when they were small. They decided that when they were older that they no longer wanted to sit on Santa's lap. Mandy made sure that Santa understood what her brother wanted for Christmas because he could not hear him. She, always thoughtful of her brother was not afraid to speak up to anyone.

Mandy getting ready for her wedding

I remember how happy Mandy was on this day, she was so excited to be getting married. She had been married five years earlier with a tiny ceremony and this one was going to be the one that she had always dreamed of. It was too the only problem was that we started late and I guess that is expected at times like this. She was so calm and collected and I felt like a whirling dervish running around the whole place. If I could do it all over again for just myself, I would be more calm and not worry over the small stuff as much. I would have spent more time with my baby girl as she got dressed just talking and enjoying the moment. I won't make that mistake with my son as he gets married next year. We did have plenty of help from people that offered but I should have been the one to be there just for her. We had decided to cater the wedding our selves and so I was running around caring for that, decorating the reception hall, welcoming guests and checking on my baby girl. I would have made arrangements for others to do that and then spend my time with her. I was trying to save money and we did! it only cost us 13,000 which by today's standards is a ton of money but for a wedding it is a small amount. I guess what really mattered is that she was happy with the wedding and thought that it went off well. She was a sweet woman and I love her with all my heart and soul.

A lazy day is our favorite kind of day

Amanda and her brother would love to spend Saturday during the winter in their pj's having a fun day. We would do games and snacks and watch their favorite Saturday morning cartoons. These were some of my most memorable days because I would try to make it a fun day for them and me. Often I would pull out a blanket and stack the kitchen chairs on their sides and make a fort. Then we would have some hot chocolate and snuggle up to watch the Smurfs together. Mandy's brother would get so excited that he would jump up out of the blankets and play fight or act out the roles seen on the TV. This old couch was also used as a trampoline for the two of them laughing and giggling until I made them stop. Sweet baby girl

Pier 39

Mandy loved to visit the "City" as she called it. She and her husband and brother and his girlfriend would go together and spend the day there just walking around and seeing the sites. She loved to go shopping and so they would visit all the little shops. My sons girlfriend loved to shop too so it was something really fun for her when they all went. She would come home so happy and tired. She loved her family so much and would have done anything for them and did so when she was able to go do something for herself I was happy. Looking at this picture makes me smile and hurts my heart a little. This morning I woke up thinking that I would love it if she came walking in the room today..........

Amanda at birth

Here is my sweet baby girl. I remember this day like it was yesterday but it has been over twenty years ago. I was over due by two weeks and I had planed a surprise party for my husband on Saturday. On Friday night I started to have what I called braxton hicks although I would find out that was not the case. I had been in labor all night and the pain although significant was not much more than what I on a regular basis experienced each month. I had been hearing for the last nine months the horrific storys about child birth and expected it to be a thing that was going to be so bad that I would be screaming and yelling and I would be very angry at my husband. Well when the pains in my tummy started I was sure that it was not real so I told my husband before he went to work that I was having fake labor and that if I needed him I would call. He wanted to stay but I told him no that I would call. As the morning went on the pains got a little worse and I told him to take me in. He said hold on I need to get your over night bag and I told him "No I will not be staying they just want to check me." So off to the hospital we went. I went in at ten am and by 1201 pm she was born. They said that it was good that I came in because she may have been born at home if I had not. When it came to the time of delivery I was really scared because the pains were not as bad as the people had bee warning me about. I remember at one point looking at the nurse and asking her "When is the real bad pain going to start?" She looked at me kind of surprised and said "are you feeling any pain now?" I said "yes." She smiled and said Honey if your not in bad pain now then you wont be." and she was right. Now I am not saying that it did not hurt but people had worked me up so that I thought it would be a night mare. Afterwards when the nurse brought her to me when she was all cleaned up and tests run I remember feeling so scared to meet here. I waited very impatiently but when they walked through the door I could not help but smile. I watched as the nurse brought her to me and stood there holding her. I was wondering why she did not hand her over to me right away and I kept reaching for her but the nurse was stalling. Finally I was presented to my baby girl for the first times in our lives. It was a moment of pure joy and wonderment. I kept looking at her and thinking that I could not have done this without the grace of God. This pure miracle in my arms was a gift to me from God. Then fear set in and I was thinking that they were going to allow me to take her home and the very next thought was "THEY ARE GOING TO SEND HER HOME WITH ME!" I knew that I didn't know what to do with her and I was scared. The nurse came back in later to take her and let me rest and I told her then that I did not know how to care for an infant and she smiled and told me that I would be taught but I also needed to trust my instinct. So off I went to my room and my husband and I shared our joy. Then it hit me all of a sudden......We had people coming to our house that night for a surprise party that my husband had no idea of. That day had been so filled with rushing for it took me two hours to deliver once I was at the hospital. Even the nurses were rushing about caring for me but now that we were settled I had remembered the party. So a little embarrassed I said to my husband "Happy Birthday sweetheart" He smiled and said this is a great birthday for sure. Then I told him "will you do something for me?" he said sure. I told him about the party and he said "You want me to call people and tell them not to come to my surprise party" laughing he said Ok. Mandy was very special to us and she wanted to wait to be born on her fathers birthday and she was.

My baby girl

This picture was taken in Virginia City, Nevada and Mandy was talking to her cousin when I kept trying to get her to turn around so I could take her picture. I kept interrupting her and finally she turned around and yelled "WHAT" and I snapped this picture. She was laughing and I said" I just wanted to take your picture" she said "I was talking to my cousin." I love this picture because it makes me smile.

Brand new outfit home made by grandma

My sweet Mandy she was a happy little girl always smiling and finding fun things to do. She was my bright star that made me a better person.
My mother made this outfit for her so that she would stay warm in the Nevada snow.

I miss my sweet baby girl so much.........

Washington

I know that this picture does not have good quality to it. It was taken with a old disposable camera around the year 1988 or 1989. Mandy is holding a blanket that she has had since birth. I still have that blanket although it is thread bear and can no longer be washed. She was very good at sharing that blanket with anyone whom needed some comforting. She would bring her blanket and put it around your shoulders and say "you can use my blanket it will make you feel better." Mandy has her arms around her brother. She loves him so much. They are so tired in this picture, we were on our way to a family reunion and had stopped at a motel for the night. Here it is early morning and they are almost awake. Looking through all the pictures I have of her she is always smiling in them. That was the way she was all the time... Smiling and laughing.
I love you baby girl

Trip to Virginia City

I Love this picture it is one of my favorites of us together. After we found out that Mandy had a GBM in the speech area of her brain we wanted to do something that was fun for her before she started treatments. We took her up the mountain to the mining town of Virginia City and invited the rest of the family to go with us. We took the old train ride up the mountain and got to see all the places that they mined. At one point we went into a tunnel and it was completely blacked out and we could not see our hands in front of our faces. I thought how fun would it be to take a picture and so I pulled my camera out of my pocket and said to Mandy "Hey smile when I count to three because I am going to take our picture". I was not sure that she heard me because the noise level in the tunnel was twenty times louder but I felt her lean toward me. I yelled "one, two, three" and I snapped this picture. I was truly excited when I got home and seen how great it was. It captures my baby girl very well. Funny that I kept my sun glasses on in the tunnel but I lost my ability to think straight when they told me what she had.
It was a fun day and Mandy really tried to make everyone feel comfortable with her and she made everyone smile. When we got this punch in the gut of a diagnosis I was instantly breathless and spent the next two years and two months not able to breath. My baby girl was a really special woman. She was always trying to make others happy and comfortable and she really succeeded. For some reason people tend to forsake those whom have been handed the C word. Now I am not saying everyone but it makes you wonder when your own family does not rally around you but total strangers and your friends do. I have learned that even though you want something to be so does not make it happen. I was looking for my family to be there for me like the way I have been there for them. My heart was crushed when they were not but I have accepted this fact today and realized that they gave her and my family what they could and in the only way they could and that it was me expecting more from them. (But you always want a show of support even if it is a phone call once in a while)

Amanda Colleen Spell

My sweet baby girl that God sent to me for twenty eight short years. I miss her more and more every day. Born to her father and I in December she was a sweet fun and vivacious little angel that has us missing her sorely. I dedicate this blog to her memory. I miss you baby girl.